译文2:NowTwinJadecameunobtrusivelybackintoherroom,changedherclothesandsatdownsolemnlyalongwayfromhim,,CleverBoyrushedintoseetothingsandtoldTwinJadetoentertainhim,,,withherheadbowed,'thelpbutadmirehersensibility.(孔慧怡改译)
对比这两段译文，可以发现张爱玲的翻译受汉语语法和行文结构的影响较大。译文1中画线部分的译文因过于贴近原文结构而呈现出中式英语的特征：“冉冉归房”译成“floatbackslowlytoherroom”，这在英语里没有这样的说法；“嘿然无语”译成“mutelywithoutaword”，在语义上明显重复。“听那边台面上豁拳唱曲，热闹的不耐烦”译为“heardthefingergameandthesingingattableoverthere,somerryitwasirritating”也是非常贴近字面的翻译，没有考虑到英语语言搭配以及原文所要表达的意义：莲生从“那边台面”豁拳唱曲一团热闹里被引进到另一间房里；张用“attableoverthere”来翻译“那边台面”，具体所指不清，也没有准确译出莲生因他人的热闹而感到的烦躁情绪。修改后的译文避免了这些问题，不仅再现了原文的意义，读起来也非常流畅，是地道的英文。
例4
原文:(这次的聚会子富抽掉了黄翠凤的局票，不请她过来了)
子富道：“耐看俚昨日老晚来，坐仔一歇歇倒去哉，啥人高兴去叫俚嗄。”
汤啸庵道：“耐(要勿)怪俚，倘忙是转局。”子富道：“转啥局！俚末三礼拜了六点钟哉唯！”
啸庵道：“要俚哚三礼拜六点钟末，好白相唍。”
译文1:“Lookatheryesterday,comingsolateandgoneaftersittingforalittlewhile,” saidRichLo.“whofeelslikecallingher!”
“Don'tblameher,” WhistlerT'angsaid.“Probablyhadtogotoanotherparty.”
“Whatanotherparty! Sheis ‘threeweeks,sixo'clock!’” saidRichLo.
“Itismorefuntogetthemtobe ‘threeweeks,sixo'clock’,” saidWhistler.(张爱玲译)
译文2:“Didn'tyounoticeyesterdaythatshecamelateandleftonlyafteralittlewhile?” askedProsperityLuo.“Who'dwanttocallagirllikethat!”
“Don'tbeangrywithher,” WhistlerTangreplied.“Sheprobablyhadtogotoanotherparty.”
“Whatotherparty! Shewasjustlivinguptohername!” saidProsperityLuo.
“Isn'titmorefuntomakethemgreenwithjealousy?”(孔慧怡改译)
