Thencamethematchmakerwhometmygrandfatherinthefieldandpleadedeloquentlyonbehalfofmyfatherforthe “birthdate” , shewasveryfurious.“Never!” shesaid, “Howcanyouthinkofgivingourdaughtertoaman30yearsolderthanshe? Andsomeofhischildrenareolderthanourdaughter! Moreover, peoplewillnaturallythinkthatwe, ingivingourgirltoanelderlyofficialaresacrificingherforthesakeofmoneyandrespectability.” , “, it’sherownaffair.”
Whenthequestionwasplacedbeforemymothersheremainedsilent, -agedwidowerwithgrown-upchildrenmeantthatthecontractmoneytobepaidtothebride’’, andwaswillingtomarryhim, partlybecauseofasenseofheroworship, , shesaidresolutely: “Ifyouthinkheisagoodman, I’, amanofforty-sevenisnotveryold.” Mygrandfathersighedwithreliefwhenheheardit, andmygrandmotherburstoutingreatfury: “Soyouwanttobeataitai（lady）ofamandarin! Soletitbe!”
* * * *
Mymotherwasmarriedin1889attheageof17， andIwasborninDecember, 1891.Myfatherdiedin1895， , , andherlifefromthistimeowasalongperiodofpatientsufferingandpainstakingcompromise.
Mymother’-ibywhatprinciplehisfamilyhadmanagedtolivetogetherforninegenerationswithoutseparationordivision, thegrandoldman, toofeebletospeak, requestedleavetowriteouthisanswer, andhewroteahundredtimestheword “Forbearance.” TheChinesemoralistsconstantlycitethisstoryofthe “HundredForbearances” asthebestexampleoffamilylife, butnoneofthemseemsevertorealizetheterribleamountofsuffering, friction, suppression, andinjusticewhichhavemadeforbearanceanabsolutenecessity.
