WANTEDTOKNOW—WillthenewcandidateforGovernordeigntoexplaintocertainofhisfellow-citizenswhoaresufferingtovoteforhim! thelittlecircumstanceofhiscabin-matesinMontanalosingsmallvaluablesfromtimetotime, untilatlast, 'spersonorinhis "trunk" (newspaperherolledhistrapsin), theyfeltcompelledtogivehimafriendlyadmonitionforhisowngood, andsotarredandfeatheredhim, androdehimonarail; ?
Couldanythingbemoredeliberatelymaliciousthanthat? ForIneverwasinMontanainmylife.
[Afterthis, thisjournalcustomarilyspokeofmeas, "Twain, theMontanaThief." ]
Igottopickinguppapersapprehensively—muchasonewouldliftadesiredblanketwhichhehadsomeideamighthavearattlesnakeunderit.
Onedaythismetmyeye:
THELIENAILED.—BytheswornaffidavitsofMichaelO'Flanagan, Esq., oftheFivePoints, , ofWaterStreet, 'svilestatementthatthelamentedgrandfatherofournoblestandardbearer, , washangedforhighwayrobbery, isabrutalandgratuitousLIE, , , ! Letusleavehimtotheagonyofalaceratedconscience (thoughifpassionshouldgetthebetterofthepublic, andinitsblindfurytheyshoulddothetraducerbodilyinjury, itisbuttooobviousthatnojurycouldconvictandnocourtpunishtheperpetratorsofthedeed).
Theingeniousclosingsentencehadtheeffectofmovingmeoutofbedwithdespatchthatnight, andoutatthebackdooralso, whilethe "outragedandinsultedpublic" surgedinthefrontway, breakingfurnitureandwindowsintheirrighteousindignationastheycame, '-Ihadneverevenheardofhimormentionedhimuptothatdayanddate.
