"Onthecontrary, Iamstruckbyacoincidence," criedIvan, warmlyandgood-humoredly."Wouldyoubelieveitthateversincethatscenewithher, Ihavethoughtofnothingelsebutmyyouthfulgreenness, andjustasthoughyouguessedthat, 'vebeensittingherethinkingtomyself: thatifIdidn'tbelieveinlife, ifIlostfaithinthewomanIlove, lostfaithintheorderofthings, wereconvincedinfactthateverythingisadisorderly, damnable, andperhapsdevil-riddenchaos, ifIwerestruckbyeveryhorrorofman'sdisillusionment—stillIshouldwanttoliveand, havingoncetastedofthecup, IwouldnotturnawayfromittillIhaddrainedit! Atthirty, though, Ishallbesuretoleavethecup, evenifI'venotemptiedit, andturnaway—whereIdon', Iknowthatmyyouthwilltriumphovereverything—everydisillusionment, everydisgustwithlife.I'veaskedmyselfmanytimeswhetherthereisintheworldanydespairthatwouldovercomethisfranticandperhapsunseemlythirstforlifeinme, andI'vecometotheconclusionthatthereisn't, thatistillIamthirty, andthenIshallloseitofmyself, —andpoetsespecially—'safeatureoftheKaramazovs, it'strue, thatthirstforliferegardlessofeverything; youhaveitnodoubttoo, butwhyisitbase? Thecentripetalforceonourplanetisstillfearfullystrong, , , , Ilovesomepeople, , thoughI'velongceasedperhapstohavefaithinthem, yetfromoldhabitone', eatit, 'sfirstratesoup, , Alyosha, , butit'samostpreciousgraveyard, that'swhatitis! Preciousarethedeadthatliethere, everystoneoverthemspeaksofsuchburninglifeinthepast, ofsuchpassionatefaithintheirwork, theirtruth, theirstruggleandtheirscience, thatIknowIshallfallonthegroundandkissthosestonesandweepoverthem; thoughI'mconvincedinmyheartthatit', butsimplybecauseIshallbehappyinmytears, , thebluesky—that''snotamatterofintellectorlogic, it'slovingwithone'sinside, withone'', Alyosha?" Ivanlaughedsuddenly.
