, andFyodorPavlovitchpromisedthemasmallsumforwages, , too, , , yet, thoughhiswillwasstrongenough "insomeoftheaffairsoflife," asheexpressedit, hefoundhimself, tohissurprise, 'snoteasywithoutatrustworthyman, 'sintervention, ', andverysubtleandcomplicatedones, whenFyodorPavlovitchcouldnothaveexplainedtheextraordinarycravingforsomeonefaithfulanddevoted, , likesomenoxiousinsect, FyodorPavlovitchwassometimes, inmomentsofdrunkenness, overcomebysuperstitiousterrorandamoralconvulsionwhichtookanalmostphysicalform."Mysoul'ssimplyquakinginmythroatatthosetimes," , inthelodgeifnotintheroom, astrong, faithfulman, virtuousandunlikehimself, whohadseenallhisdebaucheryandknewallhissecrets, butwasreadyinhisdevotiontooverlookallthat, nottoopposehim, aboveall, nottoreproachhimorthreatenhimwithanything, eitherinthisworldorinthenext, and, incaseofneed, todefendhim—fromwhom? Fromsomebodyunknown, , anoldandtriedfriend, thathemightcallhiminhissickmomentsmerelytolookathisface, or, perhaps, , hefeltcomforted, andifhewereangry, (veryrarelyhowever) , FyodorPavlovitchwouldbegintalkingaboutthemosttrivialmatters, andwouldsoonlethimgoagain, , ' "piercedhisheart" by "livingwithhim, seeingeverythingandblamingnothing." Moreover, Alyoshabroughtwithhimsomethinghisfatherhadneverknownbefore: acompleteabsenceofcontemptforhimandaninvariablekindness, , , whohadtillthenlovednothingbut "evil." WhenAlyoshahadlefthim, heconfessedtohimselfthathehadlearntsomethinghehadnottillthenbeenwillingtolearn.
