递给母亲的甜蜜抚慰 SqueezeMyHandandI’llTellYouthatILoveYou
玛丽·马尔丹特/MaryMarcdante
Rememberwhenyouwereachildandyoufellandhurtyourself?Doyourememberwhatyourmotherdidtoeasethepain?Mymother, GraceRose, wouldpickmeup, carrymetoherbed, sitmedownandkissmy“owwie”.Thenshe’dsitonthebedbesideme, takemyhandinhersandsay,“Whenithurts, squeezemyhandandI’lltellyouthatIloveyou.”OverandoverI’dsqueezeherhand, andeachtime, withoutfail, Iheardthewords,“Mary, Iloveyou.”
Sometimes, I’dfindmyselfpretendingI’, theritualchanged, , she’dofferherfavoriteHersheychocolatealmondbarwhenIreturnedhome.Duringmy20s, MomoftencalledtosuggestaspontaneouspicniclunchatEstabrookParkjusttocelebrateawarm, -younotearrivedinthemailaftereverysinglevisitsheandmyfathermadetomyhome, remindingmeofhowspecialIwastoher.
ButthemostmemorableritualremainedherholdingmyhandwhenIwasachildandsaying,“Whenithurts, squeezemyhandandI’lltellyouthatIloveyou.”
Onemorning, whenIwasinmylate30s, followingavisitbymyparentsthenightbefore, , butIheardconfusionandpanicinhisvoice.“Mary, something’swrongwithyourmotherandIdon’.”
The10-minutedrivetomyparents’homefilledmewithdread, , , tryingtokeepmyvoiceascalmaspossible.“Mom, I’mhere.”
“Mary?”
“Yes, Mom.”
“Mary, isthatyou?”
“Yes, Mom, it’sme.”
Iwasn’tpreparedforthenextquestion, andwhenIheardit, Ifroze, notknowingwhattosay.
“Mary, amIgoingtodie?”
TearswelledupinsidemeasIlookedatmylovingmotherlyingtheresohelpless.
Mythoughtsraced, untilthisquestioncrossedmymind:WhatwouldMomsay?
