AhhowcouldIpossiblyadmitaninfirmityintheonesensewhichshouldhavebeenmoreperfectinmethaninothers， asensewhichIoncepossessedinhighestperfection， ， thereforeforgivemewhenyouseemedrawbackwhenIwouldgladlyminglewithyou， mymisfortuneisdoublypainfulbecauseitmustleadtomybeingmisunderstood， formetherecanbenorecreationinsocietyofmyfellows， refinedintercourse， mutualexchangeofthought， onlyjustaslittleasthegreatestneedscommandmayImixwithsociety.
Imustlivelikeanexile， ifIapproachneartopeopleahotterrorseizesuponme， afearthatImaybesubjectedtothedangeroflettingmyconditionbeobserved， thusithasbeenduringthelasthalfyearwhichIspentinthecountry， commandedbymyintelligentphysiciantosparemyhearingasmuchaspossible， inthisalmostmeetingmypresentnaturaldisposition， althoughIsometimesrancountertoit， yieldingtomyinclinationforsociety， butwhatahumiliationwhenonestoodbesidemeandheardafluteinthedistanceandIheardnothing， orsomeoneheardtheshepherdsingingandagainIheardnothing， suchincidentsbroughtmetothevergeofdespair， butlittlemoreandIwouldhaveputanendtomylife， onlyartitwasthatwithheldme， ahitseemedimpossibletoleavetheworlduntilIhadproducedallthatIfeltcalledupontoproduce， andsoIenduredthiswretchedexistence， trulywretched， ， ， IhopemydeterminationwillremainfirmtoendureuntilitpleasestheinexorableParcaetobreakthethread， perhapsIshallgetbetter， perhapsnot， Iamprepared.
